I wish I had started this blog long ago

It seems like all this has happened overnight when I know that's not so. Her declining mental abilities were apparent by age 82 and she is now 86 but the process is so overwhelming. I realized today that I have been going at a frantic place to provide for her needs, including working to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. Working from home has advantages and disadvantages, one of which is that you don't make as much money. And when Mom was like a worm on a hot brick, she was a hand-full. Trying to pacify her and also focus on a writing assignment could be tough. But I would trade the quiet for the distractions now.

Two cousins came this morning and visited with me for a while, visited with Mom and helped with a few things that needed doing around the house. I could have used that kind of help for months. And, unfortunately, I think some of it might have been available had I only known. I just didn't and with money so tight, I was afraid to ask. Clearly, when Alzheimer's attacks a family unit, there needs to be some sort of case management available and covered by Medicare, to help the caregiver get his/her bearings. Having it out there on the web or in print doesn't help a person who has so much to do that some days they don't have time to brush their teeth. That hasn't happened often but it has happened. Or the day has gotten away from me, especially if I slept in the chair downstairs, and by the time I brushed and flossed, it was bedtime.

The doctor observed when we spoke the other day that I had probably denied myself routine medical care because I was afraid to leave her. True, I have not had all the check-ups, blood work and so forth that I should have had but until the past few months, the reason was that I had no medical coverage and little free cash. But I will say that for the past year, it's been as much a case of being stretched too thin as the money problems. I have witnessed elder poverty first hand; in fact, I have shared it.

Ed, another cousin, came by after work and we both tried to persuade her to eat some ice cream but had no luck. It's frustrating -- it's been frustrating. But now it is also sad.