I'm from the government and I'm here to help you

It’s a joke among our kinfolk in the mountains of Virginia and Tennessee that when someone comes from the government offering help to look out!

I want to tell you about how the government helps you to care for your elderly family members at home.

Mom has forgotten how to walk. For some time she’d been having difficulty at times, which is why we moved her downstairs and none to soon. About three weeks ago we went to the doctor and by the time I got her down the front steps and into the car I was exhausted. We drove the short distance to the doctor’s office and slowly made our way the few steps from the street to the office and down the stairs there, which was difficult but not impossible. And we came home and I got her inside with difficulty but I managed it myself.

To help with her increasing infirmity, the doctor wrote a prescription for adult diapers. One of my friends had told me Medicare would cover it. Turns out that Medicare will cover diapers and bed pads if she is institutionalized and there is a medical support staff on hand to change them but they won’t cover them if you are caring for your mother at home. It could be worse, we are looking at less than $30/week for that but it would be nice if they were covered.

Two days after our visit to the doctor, I had to run some errands and Mom wanted to go with me. I got her into the car with some difficulty but I managed. She slept during most of the ride – that’s actually an improvement over her trying to tell me how to drive – but she was glad to be with me. When we got home, however, and she got out of the car, her body turned to rubber. She could not remember how to lock her knees into position so she could stand. Nothing I did was helping and before I could figure out what to do on my own, the neighbor’s gardener came running across the street and insisted he help us. I don’t know if I could have managed her on my own but it was too much for Mom who just went limp and he practically carried her into the house. She did not improve over the rest of the day and getting her into the bathroom and onto the toilet was a nightmare. I finally got her into bed and, collapsed.

The next day she came to my library/office and sat with me as usual. Her walking was unsteady, but better. Getting her into the bathroom was a little easier but that evening she had a major accident in bed. I was able to get her to the bathroom and we proceeded to do a bath as we had been with her sitting on a small bench in the tub. All went well getting her in and getting her clean. Then as I tried to get her out, we had a repeat of her legs turning to rubber. I was alone, of course, so I had to try to break her fall as she went down into the tub. After a struggle I got her back onto her bathing bench and cast about for a way to get her out of the tub short of calling the Fire Department.

These are the times I would call someone for help if I had someone to call but I have only Ed and he cannot be reached at work. He doesn’t carry a cell phone and I don’t blame him.

It finally occurred to me that I could wrap the bath towel around her under her arms and use that to get a grip on her wet skin. And that was how I lifted her main strength out of the tub and dragged her the perhaps eight feet to her bed. We both sort of fell on the bed and, when I caught my breath, I moved a chair around to the side of the bed and prepared it with a towel and hauled her over and into it. From there we did the usual after bath drying, applying of body lotion, powder, etc. I got her into her pajamas and she sat back wrapped in something warm while I stripped the bed, and applied vinegar to the wet mattress to neutralize the smell of urine. I got it partly dry with the hair dryer, dusted it with talcum powder made a makeshift rubber sheet from a yard trash bag and redressed the bed.

She sat up for a while in her chair in the bedroom but we did not attempt to transport her to the library even though it is only a short walk. After a while she told me she was tired and wanted to lie down so I put her back to bed.

The next morning her bed was dry and so was she but we kept the diapers on just in case. She went to the bathroom as usual, sat in her chair for a while but didn’t leave her room. She can look through the hall and see me at the computer and we can hear each other. And Emma has begun to take her afternoon naps with Mom. But dry beds in the morning didn’t last. After the third episode of changing everything from mattress out I went looking for a rubber sheet.

While I was getting it, one of the staff saw me eyeing the wheel chair and told me she could get one through Medicare. We looked at one that was really sturdy and would hold a hefty adult and one that would fold and fit into the back of the car trunk. That one seemed perfect. The doctor wrote a prescription and faxed it to the drug store. I went back the next day and was all set to bring one home.

However, only the $600 wheelchair is covered through Medicare and would only cost me $120. However that was big heavy-duty chair that doesn’t fold up. You would have to have a van with a lift to take her anywhere in the car. My thought had been to get her down the steps and then into the wheel chair and then from the chair into the car and after we got where we were going, she could ride in her chair. We borrow one to use in the mall and it makes it so much easier on both of us. But the one I wanted, was $250 and Medicare didn’t cover it. I decided to wait until after the 3rd of the month (social security checks). Another friend said, in the meantime, I should look around to see if I could find one used. Good idea.

I’m kind of glad now that I didn’t get the wheelchair because I don’t think we will have any use for it. I don’t believe Mom will ever leave the house again under her own steam, with or without assistance. In just over a week’s time, she has gone from mobile (if shaky), with assistance, to bed-ridden. The doctor told me it was coming but we are both surprised at how fast. I have not attempted the tub again. All I can manage is a sponge bath. The first we did in the bathroom but now she cannot stand for that either and I haven’t figured out how to hold her up at the sink and bathe her at the same time – I would need four hands.

She hasn’t gotten out of bed for 10 days except for when she has soaked the sheets. I start the day by changing her. I sponge bathe and pat dry the wet area, apply A&D ointment to prevent diaper rash, and Gold Bond powder. Then I wash her face and hands and try to get her to eat. Every other day I change her pajama top.

Today I replenished my supply of diapers. My friend, Carol, was right; the Affirm brand diapers, at Target, are much cheaper than Depends and they work fine. I have been reluctant to put soap on her since I can’t rinse her off like I did in the shower so I got some baby wipes. I’d been using the body lotion (not the best idea).

What I’ve learned might prepare me to start a mail order catalogue for eldercare products. Of course, Medicare would not cover them in order for you to be able to keep your loved ones at home. If everyone did that, it would put the nursing homes out of business. I just can’t do that to Mom. It would rob her of what little dignity she has left.